Body shaming is okay! and when not to love your own body

Body shaming

Body shaming is okay! At least, according that category of people that equates attitude against smoking with obesity, or, in their eyes the addiction to an unhealthy and unsustainable eating habit.

Indeed, you might find logic in that because smoking is harmful as well is constantly having an unhealthy lifestyle. There is ‘smoker’s-shaming’; looking disgusted when someone sucks up a stick of tar and nicotine, stinks away and is unable to taste their own food. Thus, there is also body shaming, belittling, harassing, embarrassing and “joking” about obese people.

is not okay!

Obviously. Body shaming never is okay! ‘Smoker’s-shaming’ is better accepted because it is about the cigarette. It is about that addictive substance. It is much less about the person as the person knows that smoking is bad and knows exactly how to solve the problem. Quit that cigarette to never light up another cigarette again.

But you cannot stop eating or drinking! Some might say: “But hey, I name and shame because everyone knows that amount of junk and soda is super unhealthy”. Or, “She’s just dumb, or better, she needs to take a good dump!” Or, “It’s her own responsibility, I don’t care”. Or, “OMG they put on so much weight after marriage, WHY?!!?” and you can make the list much longer yourself.

The difference between the smoker and the obese is that the shaming the obese is about the person, about the looks, about the vulnerability the person is waking up with and goes to sleep with and which is visible all the time. There is no ‘obese corner’ as smokers have their smoking corner. The confrontation is so much bigger for obese than for smokers and that makes the difference.

It is never okay to shame any body!

My focus in this post is the obesity side of body shaming, while there also is the opposite site. Usually in form of anorexia or other severe forms of undernourishment, which often is life threatening. Also these patients, never. ever. shame them!

Lastly, people, come on… Don’t photoshop models or —> skinnyshaming1
That’s bullying and hurting Stop That Shit you ignorant pricks!

Responsibility of obesity

What then? If not shaming or passive-aggressive joking then what? Some still will say “but it’s their own responsibility”. No. It is not. A cigarette you either can buy or you don’t.

But. Unhealthy food is so enormously disproportional around us, all the time! Commercials, the big M, KFC, Domino’s, Burger King, Subway, Pizza Hut, Wendy’s, and in the USA are many more alike. Also, just read the labels on highly processed foods you buy in your local grocery store for once. Then you will see it nearly always contains sugar, corn syrup or high fructose corn syrup (in the USA) so even if you have the idea you’re doing well with cooking at home, you still eat all that unhealthy crap.

While the unprocessed and fresh foods are proportionally expensive and cooking those take time we don’t want to spend on nor have.

It is all our responsibility that people are obese in our society. We allow it to happen to slowly shift from healthy to junk. We did that ourselves. We eat more and more junk, one generation after the other. The only way to stop that is to stop eating junk and to find healthy alternatives instead; as a society at large that is. It is a society problem and not an individual problem.

Okay okay okay okay, in one thing I can agree. If you’re hooked on Coca Cola or other high sugar drinks, you don’t have to drink 1 liter at the time. 200cl is big enough too and that’s already a 80% cut in sugar intake.

I feel fat and I don’t love my body; now what?

I understand you. I understand how it feels to feel fat and not loving your body as I currently feel the same. For quite some years, like 15 of them, my pants size was 32/32. That always used to fit and I needed a belt to make it feel perfect. Then I needed to put the needle in the next hole, and my belly fat was hanging a bit over the edge, and the button jumped off and less and less of the pants I had actually fit. I was sitting 24/7, didn’t do any exercise at all, and eating too much for the daily activity I had. Yeah.. that’s unsustainable.

However, I only am overweight, not obese, but still I feel unattractive from time to time because there is that change I don’t want. Especially walking in a story trying to buy new pants, which I didn’t, as I felt ugly looking in the mirror. Thus people feel less beautiful, less handsome, less of everything but more insecure, more vulnerable, more looking at others how they look at you. That happens, how silly it may sound, it happens and technically, I am not (that) fat <— see what I’m doing there?

Making choices, either:

I accept the new me

I completely brainwash myself to start believing that this new me is also okay. That I can love how I look, that I have to accept how I look, that this fat I gained is okay, that it rationally is not that bad comparing with others. There are clothes my size, I can mask it, I can dress accordingly, I can stand in front of the mirror staring at that belly button shouting to myself that I AM GOOD, I LOVE MYSELF, I AM WHO I AM, IF I CAN ACCEPT THAT ANYONE CAN. Plus following all the self-help books on how to adapt.

I don’t love myself and feel sorry for it

I turn to Instagram, I google models, I watch TV, I follow fashion blogs, and and and…. sigh… and all I see are people thinner than me, slimmer, more beautiful, handsomer, fitting all the right clothes with the perfect make-up. That whole world, fake world, wants me to be perfect but I am not and now… I’m sobbing about it… I feel sad, depressed, why oh why can’t I be like them? Even my neighbor looks better than I do! (No, he doesn’t).

I don’t love my body and will DO something about it

I learn, study, investigate to understand the truth about why I became bigger and why I find it hard to lose those pounds. I read more about the ‘science’ of food. What is food, what are calories, am I addicted to anything, and, what does food do to my body? What are alternatives? How much does that cost? How much effort do I need to put in to make a change? How much effort do I want to put into the change? How much time do I foresee the change happening in?

Obviously, the more overweight the person is the more effort s/he needs to put into the change. As I only am overweight, proportionally I have to do less than someone who is 100kg heavier than I am. Yet, the process and line of thoughts between not liking my body and taking the right action is exactly the same.

My choice!

  1. I absolutely do not want to accept how I am looking now. I do not want to increase my pant’s size at all. I do not give in to the body-loving-no-matter-how-you-look attitude.
  2. I also won’t compare my body with all those topless male bodies from Chris, Chris and Chris who are screening all the time now, and I absolutely don’t want to have “that perfect “the Rock” body” either.
  3. I, instead, took the challenge, accepted I don’t love my body for now which is okay and I did answer all the above questions. I did learn about food (and refreshed what I already knew), I do know what I want and take my time to reach it as I also don’t want to lose in 2 weeks what I gained in 2 years.

Gaining weight is a process so losing it is a process too in its equal right.

This was a couple of weeks back. I bought the book Feed your Brain and Lose your Belly (not affiliated. I do enjoy that book a lot! a sincere recommendation) and started eating accordingly. Not totally but inspired by and already now I can feel the difference. My belly is tightening, my pants do fit better, and I can wear other pants again I couldn’t before. Even my wife compliments me!

I started gardening, making vegetable beds, cutting greens, grass, leafs, to make compost, and, I can do 20 push ups in one setting now (maybe not much but more than the 5 of day one). Yes, I know I can do much more exercise, but this is how it is now (running in 33 degrees in the tropics also is not my favorite).

I’m not there yet. I want to lose those ‘love handles and beer muscle’. With the right food, which doesn’t cost me a fortune as I also make choices what and when not to eat (thus no spending money on that), I will manage.

Why suddenly this post?

Because I want to voice my opinion about body shaming and ‘how to love your body‘. That post, out of the bazillion I randomly clicked on, is also about finding ways to love yourself/love your body. The post starts with how it won’t give food and exercise advice, but, how to approach the inner self and basically justifying ‘I accept the new me’ with focus on the beauty within vs. how you look from the outside.

Of course I agree with their 4 points: Be your own best friend, Self acceptance, Social media detoxification and Empowering your flaws.

With my post I want to add on to it. I only can be my own best friend when I am feeling good about myself and feeling good in my own body, which currently is not the case. The same for self acceptance and empowering flaws. Social media I don’t use anyway as I don’t have it.


They write on their post: “You are beautiful,no matter what color,creed,shape,size you are.You got that astounding potential with in you.All you need to do is to just ignite it with your positive approach.”

In that I concur only when it is:

“You are beautiful, no matter what color, creed, shape, or size you are when you also feel that way yourself. You got that astounding potential within you to work towards that satisfying feeling no matter what choice you make to reach it. All you need to do is to just ignite it with your positive approach”.

Thus, always take the road of least resistance. Either you find ways to accept the new you, or, you don’t and take action. Just don’t be in the middle sobbing and getting depressed as that is a resistance to flourishing your self-potential which is very hard to overcome.

No matter what choice, at least I will support you (except the sobbing one). Just realize that whatever road you are taking, choosing acceptance or changing lifestyle, there are ups and also downs. Don’t give up at a down, okay?


7 Replies to “Body shaming is okay! and when not to love your own body”

  1. I really like that I feel like talking to you, I can almost heard you while I am reading it. I would like to share it because I feel there are a lot of girls that I know who would need to read this.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, and yes, please do share it, the more the better, not for me but for the people it will help. Under the post are many options to share it, those options are there exactly to share this post and, more importantly, its message!

  2. So true…
    I definitely agree with you on everything you’ve said, Daniel
    Your thoughts were tactfully but honestly expressed
    Really enjoyed reading this post! ❤

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